


Just stay with me

by yoursunny



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Crying Han Jisung | Han, Depressed Han Jisung | Han, Han Jisung | Han-centric, M/M, Protective Lee Minho | Lee Know, Sad Han Jisung | Han, Sick Han Jisung | Han
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:00:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoursunny/pseuds/yoursunny
Summary: Han has consistently heard praise from Changbin for his clean rap and admiration for being able to write an entire song in just a few hours, packed to the brim with deep meaning and a range of emotions, but is he really trying so hard for his fans that they openly talk about such things?
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 5
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> guys, this is my first job, I really hope you enjoy it. I want to clarify that I am not a native speaker, but I translate my works from one language to another with the help of a translator, so I hope for your understanding. Enjoy reading)

October. 

Cold, rainy, chilly autumn to the point of breaking nerves, which with cold long fingers makes its way under Jisung's soft cherry pullover. He cringes a little, tries to find his mug of unfinished mint tea on the table, and noticeably relaxes when the not-cooled ceramics pleasantly warms his palms.

\- Guys, your energy was really crazy! I still have goosebumps on my skin, - Chan laughs as he tries to put the phone down comfortably.

Jisung crushes his chilled ankles under him and wraps himself more tightly in warm fabric, trying to compensate for the heat from the bed, from which, by the way, he did not want to get up at all, but wanted to quickly put his tired body on the pillow to insanity and fall asleep as a dead sleep, because the atmosphere is the performance was really crazy: the fans shouted loudly, smiled so happily and sunny that they dazzled hundreds of spotlights with their energy. This feeling of excitement before the performance and euphoria after it made Han's heart squeeze painfully - he loved to see the return of their hard and everyday work.

\- What are you thinking? - a relaxed Felix is lying next to him, who is simultaneously trying to maintain a dialogue with Chan and wants to steal several cookies from Changbin's plate, who is too carried away by studying the composition of the packaging from under them.

“Well, it doesn't matter,” Han says aside and pushes the package of his favorite milk chocolate closer to him. Felix snorts vaguely and tries to read at least one of the thousands of comments that come after every second.

\- Where is Minho? - reads comments from Chan. “Hey Jisungie, where did Minho go?

“I'm here.” - The door to the room opens and Minho walks in, trying to get to the table as quickly as possible along with large bags, from which a pleasant aroma emanated. 

“You should have seen the happy face of the poor delivery man when he deprived his back of 5 kilograms of food at a time,” the elder laughs and wearily flops down next to Han.

"We would have ordered a kilo less if someone wasn't too hungry, '' - Hyunjin laughs, clearly hinting at the younger rapper. - Am I right, Jisungie?  
The younger skips these jokes and perks up as soon as he sees his favorite rolls and a package of muffins with raspberry filling on the table - everything the younger loves.

Amid a heated discussion of their future plans for the next month, Jisung tries to try each and every one as quickly as possible, stuffing his cheeks.

"And share?" - he hears a whisper near his ear and hastily turns around to see Lee's interested face. Minho slowly looks at his cheeks and grins. “Did I tell you you look like a squirrel, Hannie?”

“I hear it literally every day, hyung. Stop it." - the younger mutters displeasedly under his breath, not being distracted from the meal.

"I advise you to drink less soda at night, if you do not want to run back and forth all night and stomach problems."

"I advise you, hyung, to chat less and eat less, because in about three minutes there will be only crumbs of food here'' - Han retorts, clearly pleased with his answer.

“How lovely,” - Minho takes the younger’s soft, warm cheeks in his cold hands and squeezes a little. Before the younger has time to hit the elder's hands, he takes the younger's two hands in his own and gently rubs it, causing the younger to blush. He leans a little so that the words come only for Han and asks: - why do you have such cold hands and why did you dress so lightly? Not twenty degrees outside the window. ”Minho raises his eyebrows to the bridge of his nose and walks into another room for a blanket. - “Here you go, cover your legs.”

"You are being discussed so vigorously ” Jeongin says quietly and watches the confused face of the leader, who cannot understand what caused such a violent reaction. - Can you contact a little less? We don't want fans to die from your cooing, - the youngest still does not calm down. 

And everything seems to be going well: everyone is actively supporting the conversation, talking about situations behind the scenes, sharing their impressions and expressing enormous gratitude to their fans for supporting and loving them, because this is exactly the kind of return they achieve. The air is full of idylls of Hyunjin's loud jokes and Jeongin's infectious laughter, but the whole idyll is spoiled by a few comments that Jisung noticed out of the corner of his eye as he was overly focused on the chat.

“Have you seen his cheeks? He got so lazy that he became the fattest member in the group.”

“Seriously, he just needs to stop eating and be prettier. Are we asking so much? "

“His rap and dance performance has deteriorated so much that because of him I have lost the desire to listen to them and perceive them as a group. How did he pass the selection of participants?"

Han's heart stops and he feels how much his stomach cramps at the thought of his insignificance in the group. His face is noticeably pale, which looks whiter in the light of the lamps, and his lower lip shakes a little. Previously, Han quite calmly took criticism in his direction, trying to approach it judiciously and wisely, he tried to get emotions from positive and enthusiastic comments, rather than dwell on negative ones and walk like lost in water all day. Han has constantly heard praise from Changbin for his clear rap and admiration for the ability to write an entire song in just a few hours, filled to the brim with deep meaning and a spectrum of emotions, but is he really trying so badly for his fans that they openly talk about such things? And he seems to spend as much time in the gym as in a recording studio. True, he does not get up at five o'clock in the morning to do the morning workout, as Minho-hyung does, but rather prefers to lie in bed this time. But these minutes of a relaxed and serene state are not reflected on his body in the form of hated soft barrels, a slightly bulging tummy and plump fingers, right? 

\- Jisung? - the elder has already been trying to call out to the younger for three minutes, who is staring with glass eyes at the wall opposite. - Hani, is everything all right? - takes it by the shoulder and shakes a little. - Hannie?

\- Yes, everything is in order, - the younger answers in a dull voice and puts on an unnatural smile. Minho looks at Jisung intently, noting his sudden change in mood from perky to sadness, notices how the corners of his plump lips droop down and his eyebrows come down to the bridge of his nose - a sign of deep thought. In order to somehow stir up his friend and bring him to his senses, he moves closer to him, puts the crown of his head on his shoulder and wraps a ring of hands around Khan's thin waist, pushing him towards him. - Hani, what is ... 

\- I want to sleep, - not wanting to answer the question, says the younger and smiles at the hyung on purpose to hide his real emotions. - Good night, hyung.

Jisung removes the soft blanket that the elder has carefully thrown from his shoulders, and shrinks noticeably when his feet touch the cold parquet floor. He wishes the members and fans a good night, once again expressing his gratitude, and leaves the room, silently closing the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Jisung runs into the room and quickly slams the door behind him, presses his back to it and slowly settles on the cold floor. His ears ring from too harsh a sound, and something incomprehensible and callous is going on in his soul, corroding his chest with a cloud of black smoke.

\- Really started again, - runs his fingers through the hair and strongly pulls them to the roots, - Damn, damn it, damn it!

Ten years ago, when Jisung was still at a young age, he managed to earn himself a few minor complexes, which subsided three years ago, but now slowly and surely appear on the surface of consciousness. At the age of ten, little Jisung carefully examines himself in the mirror, rotating from all sides for a better view. He had short legs compared to his peers, rather plump toes and hands, cute lips that were almost always in a painful state due to his bad habit, chubby cheeks, which his mother loved to kiss before bed. His clothes were rather tight, revealing his cute little wrinkled tummy, but he didn't care, he liked his looks until he was in sixth grade.

He sat at the last desk with headphones in his ears and did not listen to new material from the math teacher at all. Jisung looked out the window: fragile snowflakes were slowly circling in an intricate dance in the frosty air, gradually settling on the colorful hats of young children and their eyelashes, they lay in layers on the roofs of houses, on lonely park benches and covered the frozen ground with a snow-white carpet. Khan admires this beautiful landscape and writes some lines for a song that he could not write for several weeks.

Not noticing anything around him, he feels a strong blow to the ribs and turns his head in shock.

\- You're writing ridiculous fairy tales again, Jisung,- hot breath burns his ear, - let me read them, I'll be grateful. - Han cannot see, but he can feel his grin with every cell of his body.

Jisung looks up and notices that the teacher is not paying attention to them at all, completely immersed in important documents and papers in front of him.

\- Leave me alone, - Han interrupts and puts the precious notepad with crumpled pages back into his backpack.

The boy next to him snorts in displeasure and throws his hand to Jisung behind his back, dexterously running his fingers along his spine, dropping lower and lower, as if counting the vertebrae. Jisung freezes abruptly, his heart beating wildly and his cheeks turn red. He would have happily pushed the boy away from him and, perhaps, even hit him (but then he remembers that for a blow he can get a broken arm or leg, so Khan lets go of this thought), but now his body is completely immobilized so that he does not can lift a finger.

\- W-what are you doing? - Han convulsively runs his eyes around the classroom, hoping for rescue, but no one is looking at them. - Take your r-hands!

\- R-really? - the boy next to him imitates him and sharply grabs him by the side, squeezing tightly with his fingers. Khan lets out a painful cry and quickly covers his mouth with his hand, but it's too late - twenty pairs of surprised eyes are looking at him. - Tell them it's okay or I'll hit you harder.

\- It's okay, I just pinched my finger, - Jisung stutters due to increased nervousness, but the teacher only nods his head briefly and continues to do his own thing.

\- What an obedient boy, - he unclenches his fingers from Jisung's body and walks up to him, - it's a pity that he's just dumb, like my dog Carrie, but still fat and ugly ...

A knock on the door.

Jisung shakes his head and tries to brush away the hot tears streaming down his cheeks, as always at the wrong moment. It's been dark outside the window for a long time, the clock is blinking neon for eleven hours, is he really sitting in one place for three hours?

\- Sungie? - Minho's alarmed voice is heard outside the door.

Jisung tries to get up with the nightstand and suddenly pushes a glass of water off of it. His hand slides off the edge and lands on the shards - Jisung lets out a choked hiss and bites his lip.

\- Sungie, I heard a noise, are you okay? - The rapper clearly hears the elder's voice and has a sense of self-loathing because it makes Minho worry.

"Yes, I'm fine, I'm now, hyung, now." - Jisung tries to see small fragments in his wound, but he has to open the door for Minho. He grabs a wounded hand on the doorknob and opens it, immediately meeting the hyung's wary face. - Something happened?

\- What's with your hand? - Minho, like a hurricane, rushes into the room to the younger and turns on the light, earning a displeased groan from the younger. - Did you hit? What's with your hand? Minho hugs the young man with warm arms and looks into his eyes, trying to reveal the most intimate corners of his soul.

Jisung looks at Minho and he can't help but notice how the elder's honey skin shimmers beautifully with millions of small diamonds under the artificial light of a light bulb, he can't help but pay attention to his beautiful cut of eyes, his chocolate eyes. it looks like two whirlpools in which I want to dive headlong. He turns his gaze to slightly plump lips and a razor-sharp chin ... and immediately realizes how insignificant he is compared to the person in front of him.

Lee's body looked like the body of a Greek god, it was the result of the longest, most difficult and painstaking work of the most skillful sculptor, and the color of his skin and lips could not be conveyed by any famous artist on his canvas. His soft and warm hands, which were now stroking Jisung's neck so tenderly and tenderly, were a solid map of veins and looked so ... strong and aesthetic that the youngest wanted to howl at the injustice.

"The earth is calling Jisung," Minho wants fondly, his eyes form a crescent moon, and the younger wants to cry right now. - "Please share with me."

The voice sounds so desperate that Jisung opens his mouth to pour out an endless stream of emotions, but closes it again. No, he cannot be a burden for the elder, very soon on the day of their return they will have to spend hours in the training room and in the recording studio. These are all nerves and continuous tension, he will not allow the elder to worry about himself.

\- It's okay, hyung. Things are good. Jisung sits down on the bed and allows Minho to gently clean his wound and tie him up with a bandage. The elder looks at the result of his work and touches his lips to the back of Jisung's hand, which makes him crimson.

\- Do you want to discuss this?

Khan shakes his head and asks the elder to stay with him for the night, to which he agrees with a great desire. Lee snuggles closer to the younger, puts his head on top of the younger and finds his hand under the covers, intertwining his fingers.

"Sleep well, Jisungie." The younger smiles a little and digs even deeper into Minho's peach shirt, gradually falling asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The days gradually passed, as usual, the week had already passed, when internal feelings and anxieties slowly eaten away with poison in Jisung's chest. Every day, every night and every minute, the young man's eyes were in a damp place, his eyes were constantly burning from lack of moisture, and Khan's lips looked like a continuous bloody mess. The guy has changed quite a lot, both externally and internally, that did not go unnoticed by the other members of the group.

During supper, Felix wearily poked broccoli with chopsticks, which clearly didn’t make the freckled boy very hungry. Sunny Boy slowly looks up, looking at each one separately: here Henjin tells Jongin a funny joke that makes him laugh and gasp, earning his parent's lamentations about the dangers of eating conversation from Chan and a slap on the back. Changbin settled comfortably in his chair, a large, battered notebook with torn pages lying in his lap - Felix recognizes from the elder's pensive face that a muse has come to him, so he tries not to embarrass the hyung with his gaze. Seungmin sits next to him and silently plays on his phone, completely looking up from the table.

How boring, the thought rushes through the guy's head until he looks at Minho and Jisung, who were too quiet and unnoticeable. The rapper sat on the eldest's lap, like a limp doll, and looked into emptiness with a glass gaze. Felix has a painful colitis behind his breastbone when he notices with horror Jisung's sunken cheeks, his pale, almost porcelain skin, devoid of vital colors, his red and puffy eyes, which did not burn with the joy and fire of life, as before, and the unbearably sharp jawline ... Anxiety and anxiety slowly flow through his veins as Minho-hyung's hand wraps around the young man's waist and ...

\- Felix, why aren't you eating anything? Lee meets his twin's gaze and smiles. - Eat well, otherwise there will be stomach problems again, - for a moment the sunny boy thinks that everything he thought about was just obsessive thoughts. Here he is - Han Jisung smiles at him from his face and laughs affectionately, so everything should be fine, and all his fears and worries are just emptiness and a figment of his imagination ...

…This is true?

“Yeah, hyung,” Felix smiles with the corner of his lips and buries himself in the plate again, leaving distant guesses in the background.

"You're thin as a match." Minho caresses Jisung's neck and breathes in the floral scent of Jisung's cologne. "Do you eat air or do you eat nothing at all?"

Jisung, who used to sit calmly and relaxed in the presence of others, tenses and turns his head slightly towards the elder, whispering so that no one can hear them, “I just had a hearty breakfast, so I am not hungry. Minho, clearly not satisfied with this answer, nods, most likely to himself, mentally noticing that he will return to this conversation later. The elder is not a fool and not at all blind, he notices that Han is not who he was before. he does not see a spark of life in himself, a hurricane that swept away everything in its path and lifted the spirits of all members of the group only by his presence, he does not see in him his Hannie, who would go to his room in a day and secretly climbed onto his bed, disarming the elder's warm smile, naive eyes and "Hyung, it's very cold in my room, do you mind if I sleep with you?" On a subconscious level, he felt all the experiences and deep emotions of the younger and therefore was next to him as often as possible, hugged him tighter, whispered sweet little things in his ear for no reason and squeezed a thin hand in his, as if saying: “I am here, I am so close next to you, you can tell me everything, and I will listen to you "

But Han did not speak, and Minho did not ask, so the elder decided not to touch on this topic for now, so as not to undermine the trust of a loved one in the worst case.

\- The earth is calling Minho, - Lee breaks out of the stream of stormy thoughts and looks at the leader, - today it is your turn with Han to wash the dishes.

"Yeah, of course, hyung." Jisung jumps off his knees and the elder doesn't know where to put his hands. Just moments ago, they were wrapped in a tight ring around Han's waist, and the dancer exhaled in frustration, feeling empty in his palms.

Friends coped with their duty in cozy silence, only occasionally touched each other with their bodies and from this a herd of goose bumps went through the body of each. Both had no idea what caused such a reaction, but decided not to pay much attention to it, enjoying each other's company. Suddenly Minho hears a loud bell and hastily turns around. Han looks at the broken plate and jumps back a little inhibited, stepping on the dishes with his bare foot, and falls to the floor in pain, desperately trying to collect the fragments with his hands.

"Hannie, god, baby, put the pieces back in place." Minho drops the crockery and kneels in front of the younger, wiping the wet, salty lines off his cheeks with his thumbs. “Please don't touch anything else.  
The elder rushes from his place and he is looking for a first-aid kit, and Jisung still does not listen to the elder, continuing to collect what is left of the plate in his palm.

"Sorry hyung, sorry, I really didn't want, didn't want to. Tears run down his cheeks again, and Minho can't find a place for himself, not understanding why the younger is so worried about the broken plate.

"It's okay, Sungie." Lee grabs the younger's body and realizes that the dumbbells in his gym weigh at least ten times as much as this fragile boy in his arms. Seizing the moment, he takes one hand under Jisung's knees and the other under Jisung's chest, immediately feeling the younger's ribs. A sign lights up in Minho's head that nothing is all right, that the youngest needs help not only physically, but also mentally.

“Thanks for your help, hyung.” Lee doesn't even notice that he, forgotten and confused by his thoughts, has already managed to remove the shard from the younger's leg and even process it. “I really should have been more careful and more attentive."

"It's okay, honey, it's okay." Minho catches a glance at Jisung's red wrist and stops. Is that blood? - Hannie, your hand!

Jisung looks at his hand in horror and sees a huge wound on it, stretching to the wrist. The elder does not get lost, firmly, but gently squeezes the younger's wrist and pulls it slightly, which makes Khan hiss and tries to pull his hand away.

“No hyung, it's okay, I can handle it myself."

“Let me help you, Hani. Why didn't you tell me about your hand?

“I just didn't feel pain."

Minho, unfortunately, ignores the last sentence of the younger, too interested in helping the younger. He opens the first aid kit again, takes out what he needs, and looks hopefully at Han, who now looks paler than usual. He hides his injured hand behind his back, and Minho frowns in displeasure.

"Sorry honey, but I don't want you to die here from blood loss." Minho takes his hand forcibly, and Jisung's huge sweater falls quickly, revealing old and new cuts in his snow-white skin. The old man's eyes widen, his heart stops beating, and he feels a strong blow to the solar plexus - not a single word can escape from his lips, he moves his lips without uttering anything. - H-hannie ... what is this ...?


	4. Chapter 4

\- What is it? - Minho is out of control, smacking his palm against the table with relish and raising his voice at the already frightened Jisung

\- H-hyung, I ...

\- Jisung, what the hell is this ?! - the elder grabs the younger by the hand and looks at the bloody stripes, not believing what is happening.

\- H-hyung, stop it, this hurts, - Jisung hisses, pulling his hand away from Minho, and jumps to his feet, causing dizziness and blurred vision. Minho stares at the empty space in front of him and blinks slowly a couple of times as Han, unable to hold back tears, runs into his room and loudly slams the door. The characteristic click of the door lock is heard.  
Cursing himself, Minho gets off the couch next, almost gets entangled in the bandages and runs after Jisung, cursing himself for his excessive emotionality and irascibility, for raising his voice to the person who wanted nothing but support and understanding from Minho. he stands in front of the door and tries not to panic when his own heart does somersaults and squeezes painfully as he remembers Khan's cut wrists. Minho presses his ear to the door - only light swarms and muffled crying are heard behind it.

\- Jisungie, sun, open the door. '' Minho leans his forehead against the wooden surface and exhales deeply, digging his fingers through his hair and tugging painfully at his roots. He grins out of the corner of his lips when he realizes that they were in the same situation just a few days ago, only then Jisung immediately opened the door for him, and now Minho is only ready to pray that he at least listen to him.

An unrequited silence beats his eardrums with an alarm when he doesn't hear the usual footsteps outside the door, hears nothing but Hyunjin's slight snoring from the next room.

\- Jisungie ...- Minho leans against the door and slides slowly over it, settling on the cold hardwood floor. His chest is filled with unspoken phrases, overwhelming feelings and corrosive emotions, when Lee realizes the destructiveness of his situation. With him it was very easy and comfortable for him. Minho appreciated every precious minute and moment he spent with this charming man with round, like ripe cherries, eyes, handsome chubby cheeks and a lazy but kind and sympathetic character. Every time the younger was next to him and leaned closer to him, turning around Minho and talking about the difficulty of writing a song in no time, along with beats and a melody, the elder wanted to hide this precious child under his wing and tell him not to he was overworked, did not force himself to sit in the recording studio until four o'clock in the morning, so that in the end he himself would try to write a song instead of him, only if the youngest had an extra hour or two to rest. He will brazenly lie if he says that he secretly does not like the relaxed features of the younger during sleep: his face resembled the face of a baby immersed in a sweet fairy dream.  
Minho lets himself chuckle bitterly as his gaze falls on the closed door in front of him. What did he really expect? That Khan would take and open the door for him, as on that day, forgive this harsh tone and strong grip on his aching wrist? Minho knows and feels that Han might not be willing to forgive him and allow him to be touched for the moment, but still worth trying to explain.  
\- Sungie ... I know this might be stupid enough for you to think my words mean nothing compared to what I ...- Minho doesn't notice the burning tears rolling down his cheeks. - what have I done to you now, but I'm very sorry, forgive me, I'm sorry, I didn't want to raise my voice at you and scare you. Sungie, I understand that you need support and I am ready to give myself to you without a trace, I want you to feel good and comfortable in the environment in which you are now. You have no idea how much I want to protect you from of all this callous world that lay on your still fragile shoulders, I want to protect you from any negativity in your direction, but I just ... -that's getting harder to talk, - I can only stand aside and do nothing, guess what worries you so much ... I just want you to know and always remember that I will always be there for you, no matter what happens. - Minho feels that his dam of feelings is breaking through and he can hardly restrain himself so as not to break down that damn door and just hug a fragile body until his ribs crunch, kissing his entire face and repeating, like a mantra: “You are the most beautiful, the best, the most precious man, you are the very best and just show me a person who thinks differently, I will cut his throat on my own”, but he restrains himself, clenching his hands into fists until red crescent moons appear on his skin. - I appreciate you so much and I’m so afraid of losing you ... please ... just don’t reject me.

Han's hands tremble and tears flow in an endless stream as he presses the pillow even harder against his tear-stained face, trying to suppress loud sobs. He listened to Minho. He listened and absorbed into himself, like a sponge, his every breath and exhale, every sound and every word that escaped from his trembling lips, but he could not let a person into his heart again. Not now.  
Thoughts rushed into his head in a seething stream, and he could not catch a single one to focus on her and even his ragged breathing. It hurts, unbearably painful, to inflict suffering on Minho and make him feel guilty. Jisung is surprised at Minho's confession and feels the warmth spreading like honey behind his chest, which makes him want to burrow into the pillow and cry even more, because Han is not worthy of such a bright and sincere person like his hyung. Yes, sometimes it annoys him with his scarcity and correctness, but despite these minor minuses, Lee has more than enough pluses. The elder always laughs at the younger, joked harmless jokes, but Jisung deliberately puffed out his cheeks and lips, turning away to receive the elder's warm embrace, and a hoarse whisper in his ear: “Don't be offended, Hannie, hyung didn't mean to hurt you” And for such moments Han thinks, it's worth living.  
Jisung wipes his face with the back of his hand and listens. The silence is interrupted only by his breathing, and the younger gets up from his knees to carefully open the door, but ...

There is no one else behind her.


End file.
